Abandonment, The Forgotten Disorder

One would think that since mental illness is not so much stigmatized as it once were and so many health care plans now cover treatment, we would be making great strides in our ability to help those “non-functional” individuals to become more “functional”.  I say that because this appears to be the only true difference between those who suffer and those who claim to not. 

The non-functionality and functionality separate those who are strong enough to get the help that they deserve and those who continually deny that they need the help.  Those who may be functional at this moment often find themselves non-functional because they did not prepare with new coping skills and continue to rely upon the old ones to navigate through their days.  I say this because unless you are a robot, trauma occurs within the life of every human being. 

The degree upon which it affects that individual is the difference between what may be very traumatic to you may not be as traumatic to another.  A car accident may cause some to stop driving all together, while others may just avoid that intersection where the accident occurred.  These slight modifications of our behavior often become our normal and will greatly influence our daily existence.  This brings us to our topic for today, Abandonment, and the reason I call it the forgotten disorder.

I call abandonment the forgotten disorder because it is something that seems to occur at birth but continues to hide in the shadows going undetected and untreated.  It begins as a simple illness but because it is not addressed, it grows stronger and stronger until it becomes a full-blown disorder and begins to control our lives and manipulates our emotions.  In the RonSue Tree of Mental Illness, Abandonment is the root whereby all other mental illness and/or disorders spawn.  I believe it starts at birth when infant is separated from a place where for nine months, it has existed and grown, protected from all else as well as nurtured and loved unconditionally.  When the newborn is separated from that, it may feel alone and yes abandoned.  That feeling may be appeased when mother and baby are reunited but returns when they are separated.

When you feel abandoned, you feel as if no one loves or really cares about you and that you are alone.  This is possibly why human beings are such social animals because of that fear of being alone.  Even though this grouping takes place, the feeling of being abandoned creeps back in when the crowd has disappeared and it’s only you left.  If we are talking about the feeling of abandonment happening due to one parent or even both parents’ desertion, the mind begins to wonder if anyone will ever stick around and love you unconditionally again.  I mean, if your own parents discarded you then who else would want to stick and stay. 

This attitude now begins to affect your entire life because now you know that all who enters your life will leave so you refuse to get close to any of them.  If someone does enter your life and looks to stick and stay, you soon find yourself self-sabotaging the relationship because you want to be the one who gives the pain and not receive it.  You find yourself choosing relationships that you know will never amount to anything and end quickly so that you do not connect and develop any enduring feelings that will end of causing you so much pain and suffering when they do just pack up and go without warning.  Remember how devastating it was to find that first true love only to have them cheat on you or distance themselves from you during your formidable teenage years.  Guess what they call that?

With abandonment being the root of this tree, the base is frustration/helplessness while the branches and limbs are the other illnesses/disorders that are acknowledged by society.  I’m talking about anxiety, depression, PTSD, bipolar, mood, panic attacks and so many others.  So, the question is, why, why have we not made much headway in combating these things.  I personally believe that it is because helping to manage mental illness is more about a business than it is about a solution.  I believe that one of the main reasons’ abandonment is the forgotten disorder is because no one has developed a pill for it yet. 

Our medical professionals are concentrating on medication and dosage instead of the root cause of our affliction and our leaders are concentrating on controlling who can qualify to join this fight against mental illness by creating rules, policies and regulations that best fit the business model and never once considering that the person walking around right now is not and never will be a business.  Not enough access to places where the whole person can be worked with instead of just that illness/disorder.  Refusing to allow incarceration to be our answer for those who suffer and have become extremely non-functional.

These illness/disorders will never be cured, only maintained and controlled so be ware of anyone saying otherwise.  If you are not sure then consider, to cure a traumatic event, you must be able to go back in time and prevent that event from ever happening, now ask yourself can any pill, any mortal do that?