Doris’ Final Dagger

 

As far back as the memories will allow, life has not been the subject of legends living with Doris. From the denial of saying goodbye to your father at the age of three to leaving your alone to fend for yourself at the age of seven. From attempting to sell your off to marry for off to some very old guy to disappearing for weeks with no word and no apology when she finally returned.

All of these your still find it hard to forgive and even though your wish you could forget, you know that forgetting is not possible so your simply exist and struggle every day not to retaliate especially since you took her into your home over seven years ago and her health is declining.

For the remainder of her earthly life, you dedicate yourself to her service, making and transporting to hundreds of doctor’s appointments, juggling work, family, and her care. Going to bed each night mentally and physically drained only to get the very next day and doing it all again. Weekends bring a small bit of relief, but it flies by and before you know it, the weeks start to last longer each week.

You nursed her through, chronic COPD and cancer only to see her appear to waste away. Everything you have done has been to re-create a relationship with her even though there were times when she seemed as if she did not want one with you. Regardless your persevered and pushed on so that in her final hour, when no one else was there, you were sitting by her bedside and talking to her as if she were answering back. Your watched her take her final breath and kissed her on her cheek and forehead, saying your good-bye with a true passion. Tears of her passing still pour out like a never-ending fountain still today.

In final preparations, your have aligned the financial, medical, and funeral conditions as she had wished and even though her passing still feels fresh, you know that she no longer suffers. All the hurt and pain your attribute to her that was caused your in your formative years, does not seem so important anymore. That was before your received notification that every piece of her only sole possessions was left to your brother. Now all that hurt, and pain comes back in spades and your ship has veered off course. What do you do now, how do you survive this, what more could you have done? Because in your mind and to those who knew this history as well, this was Doris’ final dagger.