False Promises

Because babies do not come with an instruction manual, many parents have no choice but to use trial and error when it comes to trying to raise their children.  Some options are to read as much about being a parent from other parents as possible and adapting some of their results as they tried to raise their kids to be productive members of society.  Another would be to rely heavily on your parents for guidance that is only if you think they did a pretty good job of raising you.  Whatever direction any parent feels is right for them, there is one major issue that I would like to address and that issue is false promises.

A false promise is a promise made from parent to a child without any intention to make it a reality on the part of the parent.  If you are somewhat sure that you will not be taking the children to McDonalds after a day of shopping do not promise to do so.  I would even ask that you do not even hint at the possibility at all.  Children, like adults, will hear only that which they wish to hear and a long conversation is in order if you even hint about anything.  Like some adults are careful what they say around other adults in order not to offend anyone, the same care and consideration must be present in your conversations with your children.  Yes, they are only children but they do have feelings and one day soon may just be choosing your nursing home or lowering you down the stairs in your wheelchair.

The result of many false promises is distrust.  If a child can not trust the ones they love the most then how would it be expected for them to trust a complete stranger?  Socializing will only be a meaning to an end and not have the effect that attentive parents would want for their child.  Unlike many of the lessons that a child will learn from a parent, the damages of false promises is not something that can be easily seen.  It is not like a bruise and over time will heal.  It’s an emotional scar and may not ever heal.  Your child may walk around trusting no one ever and we, as parent, needs to teach them to be careful in this unforgiving world, there will be times that they will need to trust.  The worst part of your child learning not to trust due to the numerous false promises that they have heard is the lack of trust that they will have in you.  Instruct them to look both ways before crossing the street and they may ignore your advice on purpose instead or unintentionally.

A parent needs to have his/her advise followed by their children and in certain situation those instruction should not be questioned.  However, if you have made it a habit to just say whatever would shut the kid up and have not followed through, and then you have probably opened yourself to be questioned at every turn.  There are those kids who are naturally inquisitive and those may not be questioning because of false promises so the parent must be able to tell the difference.  Bottom line, try as hard as you can to never say that you are going to do something that you really had no intention to do in the first place.  It will appear easy to always tell yourself that there was a small part of you that was really thinking about doing it but you will only be lying to your kids and yourself.  The child deserves better and frankly so do you.