The Escalation of Addressing Violence against Women gives Rise to Another Issue

Many of us can recall the day when a man was allowed to beat his wife and nothing would ever happen to him.  We are also aware that many Christian men still follow the “a woman’s place in society is to be subject to her husband” philosophy which means so many things the least of which “women should be seen and not heard”.  Some still find themselves struggling with this concept which may explain why so many men feel that it is their place to tell women what she can and can not do with their bodies but to the majority of men, we all know that this is not and should not be the case today.  We know that women carry the bulk of the burden when it comes to the effects and affects of this world.  We know that they have a mind and should have a voice in the decisions made.  We know that they have just as much right to pick and choose their destinies as men do.  We know this and now it’s time for us to not only stand up for them but stand up for ourselves as well because whether we wish to admit it or not there is becoming a clearer picture of male victims of abuse.  No one should be allowed to abuse another regardless of their sex, on this we can all agree.

Let’s take for example being admonished by a judge when you as a male file an order of protection against your wife, girlfriend or significant other when he chides you for filing it and not handling it differently.  Handling it differently could mean striking her, pushing her and raising your hands to her but to that judge that finds it comically that you decided to allow the justice system to handle your issue instead of taking the law into your own hands; you appear less than a man by doing so.  Or how about you electing to raise your hand and as punishment you have to attend anger management or spousal abuse classes.  You walk in and immediately are met with an instructor or group leader who informs you that she hates it when men come into her class and whine about why they are there.  That she believes that the law is slanted more toward the male because all they get is little jail time and have to attend her counseling section or group classes.  Facing this, most men would lose what little manhood that they entered with because they know that in order to get beyond this phase; she will be the one who decides if they graduate.  So they suck it up and sit with their tails between their legs enduring the entire 24 weeks until they are able to finally leave.  The worst part about the entire thing are those males who stayed in that abusive relationship and for years never once raised their hands or their voices until one day they could take it no longer.  Now they are forced to sit through classes where the primary speaker sees them as monsters and abusers when all that they really set out to do was to help raise a family and have someone to grow old with.

To a man, you will find that none wishes to abuse and even those who pretend to enjoy it don’t.  Only those who are allowed to continue this activity will find a way to justify it.  No man who sets out to raise a child and have a family justifies raising their hands to anyone except in a perceived self-defense scenario.  The path between abused men and women are more similar than many of us think.  Just as there are women who remain in hostile relationships, there are men also.  It is said that many women remain in an abusive relationship for the sake of the kids and what seems to be ignored is this is the very same reason men remain as well.  It is thought that many women remain in an abusive relationship for fear of deserving the abuse and what seems to be also ignored is this is the very same reason men remain as well.  The thought of women remaining in an abusive relationship because they think that this is the closest to a real relationship that they will ever have  but again what seems to be ignored is this is the very same reason men remain as well. The main difference is that many say women remain because they fear a more aggressive beating if they leave and while this may not be a reason for men to stay; it may be as simple as not feeling gravely intimidated and thinking that they can survive a few more years before losing control.  They soon learn, as women often do, that this is not the case and end up facing a judicial system that seeks not to educate them on the entire circumstances but only the “quick fix”.

Speaking as a male involved in this scene, much of what we really need to know is what other options available because the standard just leave doesn’t work for either sex.  We need to know what other options are available to us instead of taking the law into our own hands but because we are viewed as monsters even before anyone gets to really know us, we seldom ever get the chance to derail our frustrations before the train wreck.  Society is beginning to open their eyes to the fact that violence against women is a major problem and one that should be addressed but while they are becoming aware of this travesty, they should also be aware that a newer issue has arisen.

Men need a place to belong where they can step aside and get justice as much as the women do and they need to know that your sex has nothing to do with asking for that help.  It should never be a joke when a man ask for help and should be applauded if he seeks that assistance instead of raising his hand to anyone else.  People always complain about men refusing to stop at the local gas station to get directions but forget to applaud those who are not afraid to.  Women have been ignored and disrespected for quite some time so it is nice to know that they are now getting their time in court however there are those few males who too deserve their time.