If it is Cancer that I have, It will never Defeat Me

On November 13, 2008, I received a letter from the Commandant of the Marine Corps.  Now for those who might not know who that is or know that my prior life was served as a United States Marine from 1980 till 1991, the Commandant is the top executive in the Marines.  He is the guy who sets the policies, procedures and standards that all Marines must live by.  Getting that letter, made me first wonder why he was writing me and if the Marines had finally gotten around to issuing my overdue medals or was there another sinister meaning for this letter.  What I discovered after reading that letter would prove more devastating  than I could have known.

The letter was actually from Major General E.G. Payne, Assistant Deputy Commandant, thanking me for taking part in a study  that was seeking to see if there was a link between individuals who had lived and worked at Camp LeJeune between 1957 and 1987 and the cancer causing toxins dumped in the drinking water.  A few weeks later I received another letter this time from General James F. Amos, Commandant of the Marines further informing me that this study covers both Camp Pendleton, California and Camp LeJeune, North Carolina.  I never thought much of it because it was  doubtful that anyone would dump toxic solvents in the drinking water on any military base filled with those already willing to give the ultimate sacrifice for them.  I was wrong.

November 11, 2000, while being given a complete physical for the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services prior to being allowed to take in 4 foster children who also happened to be my nieces and nephews, my doctor discovered  a mild normocytic normchromic anemia.  She sent me to the Oncology wing of Rockford Memorial Hospital to see a Dr. Linh Khuu.  Dr. Khuu deemed me “an otherwise healthy man” and diagnosed me within the range of an anemia associated with endocrine disease to a low grade myelodysplastic syndrome.  She further wrote that if my status remain constant but the number of healthy red blood cells continued to decline, she would then have to insist on a bone marrow biopsy.  None of this was completely explained to me and hence was never pursued.

While seeking to finally collect on my medical benefits from the military, I was instructed to gather all military and civilian medical records, this was when I took a few minutes to read them and learned all this.  I learned that the survey had found evidence of a link between those solvents and these diseases.  I learned that if it goes untreated it could develop into leukemia and I learned that for a minimal of 12 years now, someone knew this but wished not to tell me.  I severed at Camp Pendleton from 1980 till 1981 and Camp LeJeune from 1982 till 1985.  I do not know why the water was not tested and this thing stopped before it caused so much damage at either installation.  I do not know whose bright idea it was to poison the drinking water at any of these bases.  What I do know is that if it is cancer that I have, it will never defeat me.

To put many of you readers at ease, no I am not some religious zealot but I do know how very powerful the mind is at healing the body.  I know that prayer can also heal but only in conjunction with other actions which must be taken by those afflicted.  I know that I will never allow myself to be poked and prodded whether it is through a colonoscopy or anything else.  I know that I do not need nor want anyone to pity me because my life is nothing to be sad or sorry for.  You are reading the words of one hard-headed and stubborn man whose demise will come when I am ready and not at the behest of some disease.  I have made it an art form to defy logic and I shall continue to do so.  When I take my last breath and lay still long enough for them to throw dirt in my face, it will be because God has called me home and nothing more.  If this is cancer that I have, it will never defeat me and for those others out there who face a similar or greater challenge, please remember this.  You can borrow strength from others but true strength can only be summoned from within.  Your determination to never quit will see you through and God Almighty will lead the way.