Parents may not put the gun to their children’s head but we are the ones who pull the trigger
A parents number one concern is to try and prevents any harm, injury or death from coming to their children and to that end, we often rush to their defense considering that this actions proves our love but what if I tell you, it is not the action that you perform then but the actions you perform during the beginning stages of their lives that really shows your love.
Each and every time you step up and provide a buffer for your child, you are essentially setting them up for paying a heavier price of pain, injury or death because who will shield them when you are no longer around? They have grown accustomed to you jumping in to save them and they have lost the fear of jumping in the deep in of the pool because they know you will jump in after them but what if there is a time they jump without thinking and you are not there to save them? Do they now perish; do you now have to bury them? The mistake your child makes growing up is the time to educate them and find out what they learned from that experience. These actions sets up a trigger mechanism in the mind that activates each time a situation arises which should cause reasonable person pause. This makes them now begin to consider consequences before jumping right into the deep end. Is that not really the lesson we want our children to heed? Is this not the one and only lesson that a parent can find comfort in when their children are out of the home and on their own? We take pride in the fact that our children are labelled brave, courageous and fearless but what is missing is the ultimate fact that most parents would prefer that their children are none of those and just stay simply safe.
There are a few things we clearly know even though we mostly choose not to acknowledge them. The first is that fear should never rule any action you take but fear is a primary and necessary component in the decision-making process and should be included as well as respected in all actions we take. We may wish to believe that we are often times forced into a decision in one form or another but truth be told, no one forces us to do anything. We are and always will be guided by our decision or choice to do or not to do. We can continue to use the excuse of someone made me but deep down inside each and every one of us, we truly know better.
How can we tell if we are not properly preparing our children, consider this, if the majority of your conversations with friends and family centers around violence the majority of the time then you are telling your children what should be most important to them. As the parent, you set the pace, your lead the way and the way in which you conduct yourself in your children’s presence tells them that if it is okay for you to do it then it is okay for them, so now imagine trying to persuade them not to do something that they see you do. The old adage “do as I say not as I do” never works and never will. Parents present a much better and longer lasting case for their children not by what they say but by what they do. Honestly, think about this. If you spend the majority of your time advocating violence in mostly every aspect, how and when could you ever find peace? Wars have proven time and time again, that violence never brings peace, it may provide a calming time between wars but that is not peace because that time is being used to formulate only another war. Peace is achieved when the down time is not spent thinking of another reason for war, its time spent dreaming of a way to extend that peace. It’s that time when you say to yourself, that even though someone hurt you, you will not let that hurt control you. You will use that hurt to forgive them, never forget what actions that caused you that hurt and protect yourself better for the next time. Did you ever think that the reason some things just don’t seem to make sense is that real love dictates the teaching and learning of other methods and ways to achieve your goals excluding violence. Violence will at times be necessary but it is not our one and only means to any end.