When Women need us the most, Men run away

There is a cry that can be heard all around this nation and it goes totally unheard.  This cry is from the mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, nieces and aunts of every single male out there and being a male when we claim to always be there for the most important people in our lives, we fail greatly when it comes to those previously mentioned.  How you ask?  We fail because we minimize, ignore and refuse to try and understand the real crisis they faced when it comes to their reproductive rights and decisions.

No man knows better than any woman what is best for them when it comes to what they should do with their bodies and all of us need to get back and support their decisions when it comes to this.  The majority of us would be pitching a fit if women were making decisions about what we should do with ours.  I guess by now some of you are asking the question of what is I talking about and it is an medical procedure called a hysterectomy.

A hysterectomy is a surgery to remove a woman's uterus or womb meaning a woman will no longer have menstrual periods and cannot become pregnant. This surgery is categorized in three types; partial which only removes the upper part of the uterus, total where the whole uterus and cervix is removed and then there’s the radical which removes everything.  Women may need this surgery is certain circumstances like cancer of the uterus, ovary, cervix or fibroids.  Now many of us should know about cancer but fibroids are basically described as non-cancerous, muscular tumors that grow in the wall of the uterus.  Fibroids, is how I came to learn and get educated about this subject.

I had heard about this procedure before but since it did not directly affect me, never really gave it much thought until a couple of things happened.  The Congress of the United States and many State Government Houses began to pursue the need to not create jobs as promised but push anti-abortion laws.  After listening for a while, it came to me that no man had any right of dictating what any woman should do with their bodies and when it came to the decision of your private health, it was a decision not for government to make.  The more I learned about this the more determined I became to lend my voice stand in support of all women.  Then I learned that my baby sister was more than just another woman, she was now a real member in this group.  Her diagnosis fell into the fibroids category and I saw her fall into a lull and became not the person I had been raised with or the one that I swore to protect at all cost.  Needless to say, I began to frantically search for answers and any way to save my little sister keeping her from falling farther and farther into despair and totally giving up.  I found this through a very special friend named Susan H. 

Susan H had endured this surgery for the same reasons and has been struggling to cope with it every since.  Her strength is overwhelming and inspirational and her courage to face this monster elevates the soul.  She was more than happy to help educate me on this subject and instead of me telling you what she said; I’m going to let her speak for herself.  Below are her feelings in her own words.

“I went through a surgery a year ago that left me feeling like I was no longer a “whole” woman. Although I had decided that I was at a point in my life where I did not want to have any more children, taking away that choice for me left me questioning what my purpose in life was now.  I questioned if I was indeed still a woman. I had all the female parts but my mind told me I was not. I felt inadequate, unwanted, undesired and not needed.  I struggled with this for a long time because I felt alone. Was ashamed to tell anyone and felt almost stupid for feeling this way.  I did research and could not find anyone who had went through it that was ready to talk about it. So I remained very alone in my thoughts. I would say to myself, you are still a woman and what is the difference whether you can have kids or not, you had already decided you did not want anymore. But taking away that choice is different. This went on for a while and I still struggle somewhat today with it.”

“A hysterectomy is the second most common surgery among women in the United States; the most common is women childbirth by cesarean section delivery.” (Taken from www.women’s health.com)   What does this mean?  It means that so many women experience this surgery but feel as alone as Susan does.  The most prominent person in their life has no earthly idea what she is going through and therefore fails in his goal to support and protect those closest to him.   It’s time to wake up men and step up to the plate.  We claim our masculinity by being a provider and protector yet we fail those closest to us by not wishing to even try and understand the sheer pain that these women face.  Your mother sacrificed more than anyone for you, your wife joined with you to become as one, your sister stood up for you and supported you when you faltered, your daughter looks up to you, your niece wishes that you were her dad and your aunt is and has always been so proud to call you family.  They did not refuse to understand when you were hurting or denied you a shoulder to lend upon.  They have always been there for you and instead of returning this unselfish act; you turn your back on them because it does not directly affect you.