The Conversation

I was awakened by a thought this morning.  A thought about what the real purpose of conversation is all about.  A conversation not unlike this one that we are having right now, I through writing and you through reading.  A thought of how easily the subject of a conversation can be switched and turn what began as a quiet and civil discourse into a more distinct and possibly enraging exchange.

The thought began with a story from guy one, we will call him Larry.  Larry began by telling Sam, David and Ron about a young lady who decided to legally open a business in her town.  She decided to open a home of prostitution because earlier her sister had her children taken from her and placed with this new business owner for working as a prostitute.  Her issue was not that her sister did not stop immediately and find another job but that her sister refused to give her a portion of the money she was making to help her feed, clothed and care for her kids.

After telling the story, Larry immediately went into telling us his position which was that in a marriage, there are things and events that the man may not be able to take advantage of and this form of business was necessary to maintain that marriage.  Almost immediately after Larry finished speaking, David chimed in with his take on the story and preached that the married couple should have discussed and decided that lacking portion of their personal experience prior to getting married and after exchanging their vows, nw they need to let those missing pieces go and concentrate on nothing else but keeping the marriage together.  Sam started to speak after David but hesitated a few seconds as if he was afraid that someone was going to overhear him.  He then piped in with his take on the story which was the man was not wrong to seek outside comfort during his marriage and that if nothing else he being agreeable to counseling should absolve him of any wrong doing, if any.  Then it was my turn and as you might have guessed, I wanted to stay on topic and gave this bit of opinion.  The good that the new business owner did by taking in her sister’s children to prevent them going into foster care was about to be completely undo by her choice to enter into the same business as her sister but not because it was beneficial to the children but because she was upset about not getting any of the money her sister was making. My thought about the marriage thing was that entering a marriage without first fixing yourself as an individual means that instead of beginning a journey to work on turning two into one, your journey just got longer because you have to fix the two individuals before you can even start turning them into a couple.

This conversation started off as a story about one sister who took a job as a prostitute and losing her children to another sister and that sister feeling angry about the lack of support she was getting from the mother of the kids she took in, opening a business in the same field.  It started with that but quickly morphed into marriage, infidelity and adultery.  The conversation was no longer a search for a solution to the initial issue because this conversation proved to me that many conversations are not about solutions.  They are only for positions to be staked out and opinions to be raised.  The true purpose for the conversation was never fully addressed and because it had morphed into a subject more comfortable and more important for the majority of speakers, was lost completely.

But maybe that was the point to this thought after all.  To bring to light why we have conversations and why many conversations never end in a solution but consistently end in an argument.  We falsely assume that we talk to find answers but all we really find is two or more opposing forces each refusing to relent.  Maybe if we enter conversations with the knowledge that we are not looking for solutions but opinions in the beginning we will began to accept that each of us have our own opinion and the right to express them.  If we enter conversations in this manner maybe we will have fewer arguments and more opportunities to better ourselves as a people.

Just my thought, I could be wrong and if so ME CULPA.