Men may hold the Key to the Solution to Failing Relationships
Growing up, in this male-dominated society, a little boy dreams of the day that he becomes a man. Back in the day, a man was measured by two things. The first was refusing to cry and the second was after his first sexual experience. No one told that little boy that one would have such a determining effect on the other or that these two things would never make a boy into a man. As the years passed, the measurement of a man changed a bit and while the first two things were still being taught or considered part of the measurement of a man, a third was added which is still true today. The third was whether the male remained to raise his children and the lessons he taught them. What was still not known or just not taught was that in order to be able to perform the third you truly needed to master the first one. Only recently have it become known that refusing to cry is not a true mark of a man because any male who call themselves a man should never be afraid to show all of his emotions and be vulnerable especially with that one person whom he truly believes actually get him. In other words, be all of who you are in any relationship and if you have that one true soul mate, it will blossom into a love those songs are written about and every person dream of.
So why do most men not even know that they could possibly have the key to solving failed relationships? It’s simple, no one told them and if you do not know something at the time it is necessary to display that knowledge then you cannot be held accountable for not displaying that knowledge. Back in the day, those dads that stayed around was quick to say, men don’t cry so each and every time we felt the need to cry, we had to hold it all inside because the last thing we wished to do is embarrass both parents by not crying. In those times, many mothers would say that it is okay to cry but to a little boy, mom never really could teach us how to be a man. Not because she was stupid but simply because she lacked the necessary equipment and all that goes with it to tell us how. You were not going to learn it from your friends because they probably were raised on the same advice so they are lacking in this awareness as well. You might hear it from some stranger or distant relative but what makes this unbelievable is the fact that it is coming from a stranger or a distant source. So we continue on going from one broken relationship to another wondering why things are working out for other men but not for us. Often times we spend more time alone or gather in a group of single guys looking for that one true love or surfing dating sites to find our soul mates when the answer to why we are alone is as plain as the nose on our faces.
What is it that keeps us failing? It’s quite simple and it’s something I learned from a reality TV show called “Married at First Sight”. Now let’s not get it twisted, I am not a fan of reality TV and if my wife had not asked me to watch and discuss that show with her, I would not have chosen to sit down to it on my own. I’d always known my wife, Susan, was smarter than me and having me watch and discuss this show last night proves it beyond a shadow of a doubt. If you ever want to truly know if anyone is a true fan or not ask them the names of the people or characters in the show, if they cannot honestly answer that request, you are not dealing with a true fan.
In the show a man was asked by one of the experts who specializes in Sex what he wanted from a relationship or marriage. He hesitated then said that he wanted a full partner, one who brings to the relationship equal value as he does or believes that he do. The expert asked him if he has ever shared this with the lady he married at first sight and the one a host of experts picked for him based on some test or documents he completed and he said no. The expert asked him how he expected to get what he wanted from a relationship if the person he is in the relationship with does not know what he wants. There was no answer and the more I thought about it myself, the more I knew, there could never be an answer at least and until we as men stopped hiding behind anger as the predominate emotions that we display for every subject and face the fact that we are lacking in a vital area which all relationships are and should be built. We desire honesty from our partners but we fail to deliver this honesty ourselves and wishing someone else to do something we are refusing to do is wrong. Anything built with the wrong materials will quickly grow weak and fall apart; we know this by looking no further than our past relationships.
How are we being dishonest and what is this thing I keep talking about? It is simply being able to tell our partners what we want out of a relationship. It is not because we cannot communicate or that we don’t know what to say. It’s all a simple matter of not knowing how to say it. How do you shake years and years of a belief that a man shouldn’t cry and how do you find that key to telling your partner what you want from something so enveloping as a relationship without feeling that sadness and shedding that tear? We see this evidence in little girls who has now matured into women but still cannot have faith in any man, not because of what they have done but because daddy left or was not in the picture to teach her what to look for in a man. Little boys love their mommy because mommy allows them to connect with their feminine side and only through connecting with every aspect of who you are will you ever be whole but even the power of a mom cannot and will never be able to help you connect with your masculine side.
Men, if you wish to find a relationship that is surely worth its weight in gold, the first thing you have got to begin to realize and teach your sons is to know who they are. Be not afraid to cry if that is what you feel and be not afraid to tell anyone wishing to know that this is how you feel. Know that the judgment that paralyzes you is not the fear of how others will see you but the fear in how you see yourself. You know, better than anyone, when you are not a complete person and no other human being or anything else will ever complete you. To be able to add that needed addition and grow into a couple that can withstand the test of time you have to be completely finished as a project first. You do this by owning every aspect of who you are and being proud of the fact that you do. That pride will show through and attract that missing piece we have all been searching for. Stop waiting on others to point you in the right direction to find the one, when there is only one who is more capable and competent to do that well. That one is you, find all of you and you will have solved your problem of failed relationships.