How to Recover from or Prevent another Failed Relationship

So many of us often wonder why a relationship that we thought would last forever fail and many times we are quick to point the finger at the other person instead of seeking the solution from within.  Here’s a suggestion on how to recover from or even prevent another failed relationship.

First we need to embrace the fact that the only person we can fix is yourself.  Once we are willing to accept that premises, then we can honestly does a better job of self-reflection or what some call soul-searching.  If we are able to do this, concentrate on the mistakes we made in the relationship.  Owning our mistakes allows us to make the necessary changes which will help us become a better person and avoid these same mistakes in the next relationship.  Ever notice that the mistakes made in one relationship seems to follow us into others and soon we begin to create of pattern of broken relationships mainly because we failed to make the changes that we know was ours to make.

One of the main reasons some of us have relationship issues is simply because of abandonment issues which began often in our subconscious but manifests in the conscious state.  What do I mean by that is simply, anyone who have discovered that one parent or another was not around tend to wrap their minds around the thought that they caused this division.  My mom or dad was not in the home because of something that I did.  This is and never will be the true case because each individual person must choose what they believe is in their best interest and that mom or dad may have chosen to believe that walking away was their best and sometimes only option.  That is and never will be the fault of anyone else.  We can spend months even years blaming another but the end result and ultimate truth of the matter is, it was a choice that we made and in the end after all the dust has settled a decision we need to own.

A missing parent can convince a child that they deserve nothing better and subconsciously they will prepare themselves for anyone coming after to leave them as well.  This stops them from giving totally of themselves to avoid the deep pain, hurt and aggravation that often comes with that loss.  We end of driving them away not because it was our intention but because subconsciously we are only doing it as a manner of self-protection.  I don’t want to feel this type of hurt again so my only option is to do whatever I have to in order to keep it from happening. My own mother and father did not want me so why would I think that anyone else would.  As Johnny Gill once said in a song, “You’ll never know love unless you open your heart and make a new start.”  What happened to you in that case is not what is going to happen to you in another unless you drive them away trying to protect yourself from never being hurt again.

Now we all know that in order to achieve that perfect relationship, we have to be willing to risk pain to obtain any gain.  This is not for just intimate relationships; this encompasses any kind of relationship.  A good friend betrayed your trust by telling your secret to another so now you harbor and hold all secrets close to the vest.  The next good friend feels a little distrust coming from you and you miss out on that best friend because you decide that you must protect yourself from this same thing happening again.  Why not give everyone you meet the benefit of the doubt.  Test these relationships by revealing a secret about yourself to them that will not do much damage if it gets out, and then wait patiently to see if what you have shared with that person comes back to you.  If it comes back then you were right not to share those most intimate secrets but if it doesn't then you have just found that diamond in the rough and isn't that what you wanted and needed in the first place?

You do not have to miss out on the good things in life because of the decisions that another person made.  Let that be there row to hoe or sin to answer for, not yours.  Any decision you make is yours to repeat, learn from or correct and the same goes for the decisions made by another.  You are not responsible for the decisions that others make unless you had an opportunity to provide them with needed information that you chose to keep to yourself.  Once is all you need to pass on learned information and after that, it is up to those you share this with to decide if they are going to use it or not.  Like they used to say down south “a hard head makes a soft ass.”

We need to come to terms with the fact that if we wish to have any influence in this world, we need to concentrate on fixing our issues.  Image your child, seeing you fixing your issues and being able to now look into themselves not afraid to admit their mistakes or dedicate the time and effort necessary to correct it.  Image the soft, white light that surrounds you, the aura that many see but only your can feel and the wish from them that they could have that too.  Think about strangers coming up to you and asking you why it is that you glow and the opportunity that presents for you to educate and facilitate another angelic presence in this world.  The real answer to no more failing relationships can and always will be found in you.


Popular posts from this blog

The Advantages and Disadvantages of being a Foster Parent

The Truth about Malcolm X’s Murder Begins and Ends with Louis Farrakhan

Rockford’s Rich Black History Being Buried