The emotional and mental state of a child

Today, I was struck by a revelation which I had not thought of before.  I am a single father credited with raising 5 children with 3 more to go but it occurred to me today, an active parent and community member really can claim having a hand in raising more children than that number which exist only in your family.  Here is what I mean.

Around the ages of 10 is when those children who are not biologically yours will feel the need to know about if not connect with their biological parents.  As one of the greatest influences in your children’s life you find your self presented with an opportunity to make that child stronger or destroyed.  To make that child stronger does not require demeaning their biological parents but it does mean explaining, as best you can, what the situation is or may have been to end with them living with you.  To destroy that child, fill their heads with demeaning and derogatory comments about their biological parents.  To make that child stronger remind them of what has already been sacrificed by you on their behalf but make sure you do not take it overboard and trumpet all that you have done like you should be award some kind of medal.  To destroy the child tells them that they are the lucky ones because if they were not with you, you would have had a better life.  To make that child strong point out their good points and let them know exactly what they need to do in order for you not to see them as the little bundle of joy that they were when they could not properly take care of themselves.  To destroy that child, keep treating them like little babies and don’t let them make decisions for themselves or try and become independent.

I say that as an active person you could actually be credited with helping to raise more than just your children because in my situation I have nieces and nephews who do not have their biological parents involved in their lives and while no one else can ever expect to fill that void, you can make that void less a part of that child.  They too reaching 10 plus years old will have the same questions and need.  The approach is the same for them as it is for those children living with you; the only difference is the one who needs to be holding this conversation is not the one who does live under the same roof.  You stand near that speaker and confirm as much of what they say as you can honestly agree with.  The things that you don’t can be addressed after this conversation and never in front of the child.  Now this child see more than just one option to have their issues addressed, they see a community and nothing makes anyone feel better than knowing that you have options instead of feeling alone and deserted.

If you decide to take this action you will realize that making a child stronger only takes about 30 minutes of your time.  How many kids out there that do not deserve at least 30 minutes of anyone’s time which could be the main difference between making bad decisions and making good ones.  For those who are too busy to take 30 minutes out of your day when the child reaches out, may God have mercy on your soul because as this child suffers so shall you except this child will finally get that 30 minutes but you will have to live with the fact you choose something else over the well-being of a child.