How to Raise a Healthy and Happy Child using Corporal Punishment

Many have addressed this part of parenthood and I myself have a few articles on this subject.  I broach it again because it has been a conversation between my mother and me.  Comparing the style in which she was raised, the style in which she raised us and the style that I choose in raising my children lead me to pen this suggestion.

Before we get into my thoughts of the use of corporal punishment, I would like to present the thoughts from an article I found comparing the pros and cons of corporal punishment.  To support the pro position of corporal punishment this site suggests that many justify spanking using several Bible passages.   “Five in Proverbs specifically mention the use of a rod to beat a child.”  “One is more ambiguous; it mentions a parent "chastening" of a child. But the verse probably refers to the use of a rod because it mentions crying, and it is surrounded by other verses that specifically refer to that form of punishment.”  “A verse in Hebrews refers to a father disciplining his son. The method is not specified. However, most of the other passages which describe child discipline refer to the use of a rod. So, this verse probably implies the use of a rod as well.” (Unknown Author, Child corporal punishment: spanking- The pro-spanking position, Retrieved from www.religioustolerance.org).  The next sentences are in support of their anti-spanking argument.  It is ineffective: Spanking a child will stop the child from misbehaving for the moment, but studies have shown that the child's compliance will only last for a short time; corporal punishment actually increases the child's non-compliant behavior in the future. Psychologist H. Stephen Glenn said "Corporal punishment is the least effective method [of discipline]. Punishment reinforces a failure identity. It reinforces rebellion, resistance, revenge and resentment. And, what people who spank children will learn is that it teaches more about you than it does about them that the whole goal is to crush the child. It's not dignified, and it's not respectful." “It may trigger criminal, anti-social, violent, aggressive behavior later in life: A longitudinal study of 442 boys born in 1972, found that one out of every three boys -- those who have a specific version of a gene -- who was maltreated during childhood will be almost certain to exhibit anti-social or criminal behavior as an adult. Maltreatment was defined as including physical abuse. If this is true for boys subjected to physical abuse, one wonders if the violence associated with conventional levels of corporal punishment could also trigger violent or aggressive behavior later in life.  Unfortunately, the study is recent, and researchers do not yet know what level of violence is needed to trigger the negative adult behavior. It can be argued that, in the absence of precise data, parents should err on the side of caution and avoid spanking at all costs.” (Unknown Author, Child corporal punishment: spanking- The anti-spanking position, Retrieved from www.religioustolerance.org)

I stand in support of corporal punishment but not in the form of which many think.  Spanking should never be about frequency but about consistency.  As a child grows, they wish only to know just how far that they can go and as a parent it is our job to insure that the lesson is learned.  It only takes one good stinging pop on the upper thigh while a child is between the ages of 2 and 3 years old.  After that there should not be no further need for spanking at all.  I think that the mention of the “rod” does not literally mean a rod but anything which may deter the child’s action which prompted the strike to the thigh.  When it comes to "chastening" a child, a simple explanation of why something is wrong will suffice and many parents can tell you when you say that the behavior of your child has disappointed you, some will cry mainly because they know that they have disappointed.  Those tears will be genuine and does not require “beating” them.  Regarding the father disciplining his son, discipline comes in many forms and at the age of 4, it should not include corporal punishment.   To say that it is ineffective is to miss the obvious.  Psychologist H. Stephen Glenn seemed to be more defensive about what he perceived as what’s not dignified or respectful than he is about what it teaches the child.  Corporal punishment displays the knowledge that every action has consequences and failure to make sure that our children do not learn this is indeed undignified and disrespectful.   In regards to corporal punishment relating to triggering criminal, anti-social, violent, aggressive behavior later in life is only appropriate in the case of abuse but corporal punishment as suggested above with no more than one stinging pop can not be considered abuse.  One of the most egregious statements found in this comparison by this religious group is the suggestion that in the absence of precise data, parents should err on the side of caution and avoid spanking at all costs.  I strongly disagree with this statement because for a parent to err on the side of caution means that today and for many days to come, what we have are extremely disrespectful teenagers and adults that show no remorse or compassion.  

My youngest daughter is 4 and I do not ever have to raise my hand to her.  All I have to do now is change the range in my voice to get the desire reaction and result.  Every once in a while I have to resort to a particular look but I do not have to use corporal punishment now.   My youngest son is 3 and after spanking him once for each infraction earlier in his development, it’s again the range of voice that works best.  For the 4 year old and those older, frank conversation works very well.  Explaining why they are not allowed to do something or having them explain to me why they are restricted from certain actions appears to work much better now.  I know this works because I can see the results in my children as we interact with each other and my job as a parent has become much easier.  Corporal punishment is not the end all-be all it is but an important phase in a child’s development.  Using it correctly will leave the only true legacy that you will be very proud of.