The Sum Total of all our Experiences and our Reactions to Them By Dr. Ronnie Manns, NP, Psy,D., FAIHCP

 

At the Start

In the second term of conception, when the fetus begins to form, so does parts of the brain.  The parts of the brain that begin to form contain only one cognitive component which is called the Mix-Match Negative (MMN).  This portion has two major functions, the first is to instruct that body when it is time to form the different parts of the fetus body and organs, the second, and one which will present more influence than any other aspect of our existence is designed to record every event that happens to us and our reactions to them.

All the information created and recorded by the MMN is sent to the temporal lobe to be housed and disseminated when necessary.  These recordings begin to establish your normal, the safe harbor you will run to every time something like a past event or even similar to it happens because it is the only defense you have and the safest place to be.

How this works is based on the example of being born.  For nine (9) months we are safe, secure, loved, and nourished in the womb, every basic need supplies.  While there we get accustomed to that heartbeat, voice, and even smell.  Soon and without warning, we are snatched out of our happy place and become surrounded by a multitude of different smells, sounds and heartbeats.  Our only defense, cry and we do so until we are either reconnected with the familiar or placed in the cuddle of a calming, soothing soul of a surrogate.

Remember back to times when a newborn was crying and didn’t stop crying until it found a safe place to rest.  Many may argue that sometimes the newborn will continue to cry even when they are placed in the arms of the birth mother, but I would counter by saying, to that newborn with no other history, the smell may be the same but there was a slight change in the heartbeat and voice that they detected even if older people around that same person could not.

 From Day Dreaming to Regret

It’s during our early childhood and pre-teen phase that we start to dream of what we would like our lives to evolve into, mostly from the stories we watch on television, the stories we hear and the books that we read.  Much of what we are allowed to watch measures up to the “feel-good” variety where authors like Hans Christian Anderson became famous for many of his endings where the words “And they lived Happily Ever After” were used. 

Many young boys dreamed of being a ”Prince Charming” or a Superhero, there to save the day and protect all the world. Many young girls dreamed of being a Princess who would eventually meet their Prince Charming and live happily ever after and even if they saw themselves as the Ugly Duckling, would be okay because they pictured themselves maturing into a beautiful swan.

Since they had not been completely corrupted yet by community and society, they were often allowed and even encouraged to dream not only at night but even doing the day.  These times were mostly filled with laughter and love.  They express no true worries at all and seemed almost unphased by catastrophe events because they still believed in the possession of their newest safe haven, the recesses of their mind. 

Since there was no established timeline to finding their Prince Charming or growing into that beautiful swan, there was no pressure or concern about reaching their golden star. During our early childhood and pre-teen years, the thought of possibly never reaching that star or touching it but not being able to hold onto it, cross their minds, but now that they are adolescents or teens, the threat is real.  Now they had to construct other options to achieve that happily ever after, but certain influences would be present and each day it would appear harder and harder to see that as an option. 

So, the happily ever after would be placed on the back burner and slowly fade while all efforts would then be placed on simply just being happy even if it was for a short period of time.  It is then we begin to allow us to stop daydreaming about happily ever after and start the long journey into adulthood with less expectation of blissful happiness and settle for just a joyful existence.

 

Day dreaming is now regret as we age but since day dreaming had been condoned in our past and that was the normal then, we assume that this new thing, regret, is the same so it too must be an acceptable replacement.

There is the one thing that you will never be able to change and that is still searching for that happily ever after so instead of trying to change it and end up settling for something less, grab it.  This can be done but you have got to be willing to reduce all other wants and desires and move them to a step down on your ladder of important things. 

Make happily ever after your number one priority and accomplish it by simply treating others as you wish to be treated.  If you treat others how you wish to be treated and educate them on why you do so, there is no reason that others could not return the favor and the less complication in your life, the happier your life will be.

 

What’s the Meaning of All This

Simply put, what all this means is who you really are is not your moniker (name).  You are not any label placed upon you by society meaning you are neither black, nor white, nor brown.  You are not Republican nor Democrat.  You are not Conservative nor Liberal, you are not Christian nor any other religion.  What this all means is you are simply the sum total of all your experiences and your reactions to them.