Know Yourself by Knowing Your Child

 

FULL DISCLOSURE:  The opinion spoken here is mine and mine alone.  It is the culmination of over 40years in the field of Psychology/Sociology and over 60 years of existing on this earth, closely observing and analyzing the actions of the millions I have been surrounded by. While I welcome any and all comments and respect any and all positions even those in conflict with my own, make no mistake and let’s not get it twisted. If you believe differently than I “EXCELLENT!”, exercise your right and keep believing for between the differences of belief, lies the real truth.  Just know, that I will also continue to believe what I have been exposed to and experienced by, know that nobody possesses the power to convince or force my change. 

We all should know by now that the forming of a child is much more than just genetics and DNA.  It is much larger than eye color, hair color, skin color, and inherited genes.  It’s a mix of the feelings, emotions, history, experiences, reactions, and the current level of intelligence of two separate and individual people.  All their highs and lows experienced at the time of conception.  All their likes and dislikes and all their hopes and fears.  What makes your child slightly different than either of you is the choices that they make based upon what they have borrowed from both of you combined with how they choose to conduct their own business and confront their own demons during their development and all through their lives.

As parents, we are given up to the age of eleven (11) to prepare our children with the tools that they need to be healthy and happy in life.  These tools are greatly enhanced by the examples we choose to set for them and the options covering a vast array of situations we choose to address with them. Along with these things, we must be sure to not neglect the 5 Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs scale which begins with the need for food and clothing, next comes safety (job or personal security), number three is to be loved and to belong (friendship). Number four is self-esteem, and finally number five is self-actualization (truly believing yourself as vital and worthy). This is the responsibility of the parent and when they are lacking the result is a chaotic existence for your child.  If this is your desired result as the parent, then you have succeeded but if it is not then dedicated yourself to making sure you provide these needs to your children each and every day.

Your problem is not that you had children, it is not knowing what to do and how to prepare them for life that is the biggest failure of parenting.  Males uses their biological mothers to get an idea what kind of wife that they want or their idea of what kind of woman that they will be drawn to.  They use the examples of the biological father to determine what kind of man and husband that they want to be.  Girls do the same with their biological mothers and with their biological fathers, is formed their idea of the perfect man or the type that they may be attracted to.  For those from broken homes or absent biological parents, they are immediately put in a very dangerous situation.    If those who came together to create these angels of humanity or were too self-absorbed and were too busy trying to simply sleep with each other, then maybe this is where the village must then step in and try to give that child a fighting chance.

Let me explain: In the second phase of conception, the oldest part of the brain appears called the amygdala, part of the temporal lobe, which is primarily responsible for our sexual drives and “primal” emotions which is our “fight-flight-or-freeze sensation.  What that means is at the very beginning of our existence these are all that exist except the one and only cognitive component which is called the Mix-Match Negative (MMN).  This portion has two major functions, the first is to instruct that body when it is time to form the different parts of the fetus body and organs, the second, and one which will present more influence than any other aspect of our existence is designed to record every event that happens to us and our reactions to them. These events and reactions become short-term memories formed in the hippocampus, also part of the temporal lobe.  The hippocampus commands the production of cortisol by the adrenal glands and creating a pathway between the short-term and the long-term memories in the prefrontal cortex, also a part of the temporal lobe. Cortisol is the primary stress hormone vital because it increases the availability of substances in the body that repair tissues and also slows functions that would block, hinder, or restrict the actions of our amygdala.

 

As we continue to develop, so does the most powerful part of the human body, the mind/brain. We briefly mentioned the prefrontal cortex earlier, but this is why it is important to help you understand why.  The prefrontal cortex is responsible for regulating emotions, making decisions, and forming memories but when we are experiencing continuous stress, the cortisol is overly produced causing the prefrontal cortex appears to shrink in size, greatly hampering our ability to control our emotions and make rational decisions. We are now forced to comply with our only other options which is to “fight-flight-or-freeze” or becoming highly sexually aroused. 

Some wish to excuse us for not taking ownership of our choices on many things from the devil to the actions of another but the truth is that we are the only ones totally responsible for the choices we make, the actions we take, and the of these.  Many seek to blame it on either being ignorant or stupid.  Truth is ignorance is best because being ignorant only means that you did not know before you made that choice or took that action while being stupid is when you do have an idea of the negative results yet still elect to do them anyway.

Some choose to blame it on our level of intelligence, but truth be told, an individual’s level of intelligence can never be measured because intelligence is not what you can recall nor is it the ability to figure something out, which is what many tests are comprised of.  Intelligence is the knowledge of knowing what is right and true even during the times when you don’t know how you know. You see intelligence has nothing to do with the brain but everything to do with the soul, your experience, and any previous reactions to those experiences.  Anyone seen a test that can test that? I have found soaring intelligence with the patients I have counseled but what was lacking was their belief in their own intelligence.

Consider this: God blesses us with an astronomical gift every single day. When the sun is at its highest point wherever you are, whether you are sitting, laying, knelling, or standing, you’re doing so on top of the world. So why would he unless he knew how worthy we really were?