Why “Complicated” is the best description of my relationship on my profile

It has nothing to do with commitment because to the lady in my life I am more than committed and it has even less to do with being happy.  It does , however, have a lot to do with frustration and the overwhelming desire to keep digging until I finally reach that level where ecstasy and euphoria lives.

In order for any of us to having a working relationship, that relationship must be worked.  It’s like digging for gold.  You know it’s there because something in the depths of your very soul tells you so but in order to reach it you are going to have to dig and dig deep.  This exercise is not for those looking for a quick fix to any problem, it’s mainly for those who want more from a relationship and are very willing to put in the necessary time and effort to achieve it.  It’s not about remembering birthdays, anniversaries or special occasions, it’s about looking forward to those times because those times are when you get to spend valuable time with your special someone and have them all to yourself for time.  Whether that time is for a minute, an hour or a day, it’s worth every second because for that period the world stops spinning and time stands still.

What makes the relationship complicated is the frustration you feel when it appears that the harder and deeper you dig, the further away your goal seems.  You dig for a while and you begin to see glimmers of that gold just beneath your feet and inside your swell with anxiety because you know that you quest is near its end and the real joy of having your special person  next to you will soon give way to your special someone becoming a larger part of you.  Inseparable and united in a way that all of us dream of but very few ever experience.  The real reason that the emotion of “love” actually exist.  When you discover that the glimmer was not the end, just another beginning starts the frustration.  You begin to wonder if you will ever reach your goal and then you begin to question if it is really worth all of the sacrifice, blood, sweat and tears to get there.   A part of you wants to give up but the larger part knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it is well worth it to keep trying.

To know that the promise land is just over the next rise is the driving force behind labeling my relationship complicated instead of doing what some do and throwing it all away to start all over again with someone new.   You know that the promise land will reveal the best person God has ever created and he created them just for you, you know this as fact but you can’t seem to shake the frustration.  So you begin to look for reasons to remain and keep digging only to find the reasons to leave more abundant than those to stay.  You hear about others throwing in the towel after many years and say to yourself that this proves it’s okay while deep down in your heart, you know that this is a lie.

Why complicated?  Because my relationship is no where near finished.  There are still several layers that need to be brushed away before that perfect person can be found.  I know she exist and I know where she lives.  She is the best of me and the missing piece to my becoming whole.  Unlike anything else ever known, she is God’s gift to me.  Why complicated, because I may rest but I will never stop digging and if it’s God will, some day soon, my perfect special someone will bring to me the joy that I have been searching for all my life and make my world complete.